The Cat Dish

Tag Archives: dating

Pets over partner?

by Catherine Toth on January 31, 2011 in Musings, The Daily Dish

The other day NBC’s “Today” asked the question: “Who would you choose: your sweetheart or your pet?”

And even me, a die-hard pet owner, was surprised by the results of the online poll.

An whopping 84.5 percent of respondents — and there were hundreds! — said they would pick their pets over their mates.

Here were some of the comments:

Pets give you unconditional love and will be there until death, but the minute you’re of no use to people or start looking ugly, you’re SOL!

Men have come and gone, but my bulldogs are here to stay! They are ALWAYS loyal and give unconditional love!

I recently had a ‘sweetheart’ who ‘encouraged’ me to give up my collie. I kept the one who offered unconditional love.

I have to admit, it’s a tough question. I would question the intentions of any guy who asked me to choose between him and my pooches. (It’s not like my dogs would do that.)

It’s like anything else when it comes to relationships: things have to fit. And for some, that may mean a life with dogs (or cats or rats or whatever). We shouldn’t have to sacrifice so much in our lives to be with anyone.

At least that’s what I think.

Anyone else got an opinion? Anyone had to make this decision?

***

To read all of Cat’s blogs, visit www.nonstophonolulu.com/thedailydish. Follow Cat on Twitter @thedailydish or send her an e-mail at cat@nonstophonolulu.com.

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Comments { 7 }

Friends with benefits

by Catherine Toth on January 25, 2011 in Musings, The Daily Dish

There’s a new movie that looks at the age-old rom-com question: Can friends have sex without it getting complicated?

In “No Strings Attached,” Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman play longtime friends who become FWBs — friends with benefits — because they don’t think they can handle (or want) the demands of a committed relationship. (Read the review in the Christian Science Monitor here.)

The concept has sparked — or, should I say, re-sparked — conversations about “friends with benefits” and whether they actually work.

From reading blogs posts and comments to listening to my friends talk about it, it seems the concept is great — as a concept. FWBs don’t last, and often times exactly what the couple had hope to avoid — feelings getting in the way — is exactly what happens.

Like Salon.com’s Tracy Clark-Flory posed, “Given the high stakes, why do we do it?”

Her former “friend fling” shared his take: “Because the idea of sex without consequences is the most awesome thing on the planet … It’s that delicious, delicious mixture of freedom and dependability. You have somebody you can rely on, you have a safety net, you have somebody you can call when you’re lonely — but you have none of the consequences. You get to not commit but still kinda be committed.”

But what’s a relationship without consequences? No, I’m serious. What’s anything in this life without strings attached? Don’t we want strings? They connect us to people, to experiences, they give value and meaning to our lives.

Call me old-fashioned, but I just don’t think these empty relationships are worth the time, effort and potentially damaging outcomes. Sure, it sounds easy and fun and great — but do they really work? Really?

***

To read all of Cat’s blogs, visit www.nonstophonolulu.com/thedailydish. Follow Cat on Twitter @thedailydish or send her an e-mail at cat@nonstophonolulu.com.

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Comments { 12 }

How do you know, you know?

by Catherine Toth on December 28, 2010 in Musings, The Daily Dish

As soon as I saw the preview, I knew I wanted to see the movie.

“How Do You Know,” a new romantic comedy directed by James L. Brooks, centers around a 31-year-old Olympic softball player (played by Reese Witherspoon) who’s torn between two men: the professional pitcher-playboy (Owen Wilson) or the nice-guy businessman (Paul Rudd).

The movie is supposed to answer the question — reviews, like the one in the New York Times, say the movie failed to do that — ”How do you know when you’re in love?” Or, maybe, “How do you know who’s — or what’s — best for you?”

It’s an interesting question, actually, especially when you’re at a point in your relationship when you need to make that big decision. Is this person right for you? Can I imagine my life without him? Is she the one?

When I worked as a reporter for The Honolulu Advertiser, one of my jobs was to write “Love Stories,” weekly articles about newlyweds. I always focused on how they met — and part of that was finding out when they knew they wanted to marry the other person. Everyone has a different story. One guy said he knew she was the one for him when she happily agreed to go to an important football game with him — and she hated the sport. Another woman said she knew her husband was worth marrying when she saw how he interacted with her children.

So I’m throwing it out there: how do you know? What is it about the other person that made you decide, “Hmm, I think this one’s a keeper”?

***

To read all of Cat’s blogs, visit www.nonstophonolulu.com/thedailydish. Follow Cat on Twitter @thedailydish or send her an e-mail at cat@nonstophonolulu.com.

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ASK DR. DISH: 'He voted for Bush!'

by Catherine Toth on September 29, 2010 in Musings, The Daily Dish

Question: My current boyfriend of five months is a diehard Republican. I knew that going into the relationship, but I didn’t realize just how into the whole party thing he is. I knew he voted for (President George W.) Bush — but twice??? You see, I am a strong supporter of the Democratic party and now that we are the throes of election season, it is becoming more and more evident that we cannot agree or get along. Can our relationship survive, even just the election?

Answer: Well, you can’t say you don’t have stimulating conversations at the dinner table!

To start off, I would say you have to figure out if his allegiance to the Republican Party is really, indeed, a deal breaker. For some, it might be, considering you might differ on values and viewpoints integral to your relationship. (He might be against gay marriage and its lifestyle, for example, and you may have a bevy of gay friends.) This might make it hard for you both to agree on certain things, especially when it comes to raising a family. Differing political views is akin to religious differences, in a lot of ways. And that’s not something very easy to work out.

But, on the flip side, these could just be politics — like how you might disagree about favorite books or proper toilet seat etiquette.

I have a friend, for example, who’s vegan. But she met a red meat-eating hunter. And now they’re happily married with a beautiful daughter. So it could work.

A wise woman once told me that it’s not about looks or lifestyle or even what you share in common. “Find someone who’s kind,” she said to me. “Everything else doesn’t matter.”

Good advice.

Anyone else got something to add?

***

To read all of Cat’s blogs, visit www.nonstophonolulu.com/thedailydish. Follow Cat on Twitter @thedailydish or send her an e-mail at cat@nonstophonolulu.com.

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Comments { 18 }

Guys, don't stop dancing badly

by Catherine Toth on September 9, 2010 in Musings, The Daily Dish

Guess what, guys?

Those horrible dance moves you do — you know, the Sprinkler, the Raise the Roof and the famous White Man Overbite — may not repel women as much as previously thought.

According to psychologists from Northumbria University in England, there are some moves that matter to women — and some that don’t.

Apparently, it’s the left wrist and the right knee that count. And women do notice your head and, ahem, lower body movements. (Here’s a list of the Top 10 Bad Dance Moves from AskMen.com.)

Researchers filmed 10 men dancing, then mapped their moves onto featureless avatars. (See the video below.) Then they had 35 heterosexual women rate the attractiveness of the dancing — not looks — to determine what women liked.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSPPEe7rY1s
This video by researchers shows an avatar performing good and bad dance moves. Take notes.

Personally, I don’t judge a guy — or anyone, really — by the quality of dance moves. I could careless if a person could execute the Lawn Mower correctly. Sure, women like guys with swag (like Ne-Yo) — that indescribable coolness that only cool guys emit — but I’d rather have someone with a great sense of humor about his bad dancing than someone who’s just good at it.

Like this guy in the video below. Now we’re talking!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg
The Evolution of Dance — by a guy — which garnered more than 151 million hits on YouTube.

Got any bad dance move stories to share?

***

To read all of Cat’s blogs, visit www.nonstophonolulu.com/thedailydish. Follow Cat on Twitter @thedailydish or send her an e-mail at cat@nonstophonolulu.com.

Comments { 23 }