Tag Archives: Ask Dr. Dish

ASK DR. DISH is back!

When I first launched my blog, oh, about eight years ago, I included a weekly post titled, “Ask Dr. Dish.” I would get questions about everything, from which restaurant has the best steak to how much should someone spend on a wedding gift.

Since I’ve been still getting questions every now and then, I decided to resurrect Dr. Dish — not weekly but occasionally — just to give these curious readers some answers.

And, to be honest, it’s not my response that matters. It’s yours. Most times I have NO IDEA what the right answer is — but you do. So that’s why I’m bringing it back. It’s time to help each other out!

So here’s one of my latest questions, one that I addressed back in 2009. But it’s time to revisit this topic.

QUESTION: My boyfriend is a bad tipper. It is so embarrassing! He does not think it is necessary to “reward” good service. I used to wait tables, so I am always tipping people AT LEAST 20%. Who’s right on this one?

ANSWER: I’m like you — I always leave the standard 20 percent. And I tip everyone — valet, maids, hair stylists, massage therapists. I even leave my spare change in those tip jars at Subway and Starbucks. But our tipping culture can be very confusing — and stressful.

It was SO liberating, while I was vacationing in Japan, to not feel pressured to leave tips. You paid what it said on the bill and that’s it. There was something so relieving in that.

That said, we’re in the United States, where tipping is part of our culture. So back to your dilemma.

I’ve gone to dinner with people who didn’t tip well — or sometimes at all — and yes, it was embarrassing to say the least. I feel like, in some ways, it’s a reflection of their character.

So what do you do? If you don’t want to discuss it with him — I would just tell him straight-up — then I’d offer to leave the tip and save yourself — and him — the embarrassment.

What do the rest of you think?

If you have a question for Dr. Dish, e-mail askdrdish@gmail.com.

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ASK DR. DISH: Royal advice

ASK DR. DISH: Royal advice

Question: I am totally obsessed with the Royal Wedding!!! I am so glad you asked yesterday (in Monday’s blog)!!! I have a question for everyone else who is just as obsessed as me — or not: What is your marriage advice for Prince William and Kate Middleton? I say sign don’t sign the prenup!!!

Answer: Thanks for the question! I love your enthusiasm!

I don’t think Kate will have much of a choice about signing the prenup before the April 29 nuptials. Britain’s royal family doesn’t have the best marriage record; three of Queen Elizabeth II’s four children have been divorced.

But that’s not really the point of today’s blog!

It’s hard for me to dispense marriage advice since I’ve never been married. And I hate to sound cliche — communicate, be honest and open, schedule date nights — but I don’t know anything else.

For me, being in a relationship takes work. I mean, a lot of it should come easily. You should want to spend time together, you should truly enjoy the other person’s company, and it shouldn’t be a burden to help each other. But everything else — carving out quality time, being patient, learning that what’s important to him is important even if it’s not important to you — takes effort. But if you love each other, you’ll want to do it — it’s not a problem.

Anyone got some advice for the royal couple? Hey, they might be Dr. Dish fans! You never know!

***

Here’s more advice: “The Best Marriage Advice I Ever Got” in Redbook.

***

Got a question? Email me at cat@nonstophonolulu.com.

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ASK DR. DISH: Drinking etiquette

ASK DR. DISH: Drinking etiquette


Question: Dr. Dish, my company has a policy that we cannot drink while at work events. But what about at networking mixers at bars and nightclubs? Technically it is not a work event.

Answer: Thanks for the question! It’s a good one, too, so this recently happened to me.

I was at “An Evening of Sustainable Cuisine” at the Halekulani to support the efforts to raise money for the Culinary Institute of the Pacific at Kapiolani Community College, where I work as a journalism instructor. My chancellor and dean were in attendance, noshing on the “green” cuisine from Roy’s, town and the hotel.

But master mixologist Julie Reiner was there, too, serving up specialty cocktails that were hard to resist.

So what did I do?

Nothing. Until my dean walked over with a ginger beer drink and told me to try it. How could I not?

The rule of thumb is this: don’t get drunk. Don’t even get close.

Here’s the deal: even though it’s not technically a work event, you’re still representing your company (and your industry) at these mixers. You’re handing out your business card, right? Then people know who you are and where you work. And you don’t want to embarrass yourself or your company by downing six shots and licking the dance floor.

Be smart. Have a beer or nurse a cocktail. But don’t go overboard.

Anyone else got advice to dish? Or better yet — got a story to share?

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ASK DR. DISH: Big family, no money

ASK DR. DISH: Big family, no money

Question: I know you’re not married, but I figured maybe your readers could help. I am engaged to a guy who has a very large family. I have a big family, too. We also have a lot of friends, coworkers and clients. Our guest list right now is somewhere between 700 and 800 people. There is NO WAY we can afford a big wedding with that many guests! We will be BROKE! I have a friend who went to Italy to get married and only invited 12 people. Is that OK? Do people get upset if they don’t get invited to a wedding? We don’t want people to be mad at us. HELP!

Answer: Honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with a destination wedding, especially if you want to keep the guest list short. I mean, at the end of the day, it’s your wedding — and unless they’re footing the bill, no one should have a say in your plans.

I have a friend like yours who went to Italy to get married. Only a handful of people attended — I didn’t; I couldn’t get away from work — and she was able to keep it intimate. It was like a wedding and honeymoon in one!

That said, it’s hard to avoid hurting people’s feelings when it comes to weddings. I know people who are upset about not getting invited to weddings — especially when they find out other people in the group were invited — and those feelings aren’t easy to fix. You have to just be honest and transparent with everyone, explain your situation and only invite the people who really matter. It’s hard, I can imagine, but it’s your wedding.

I actually don’t know if the advice I’m giving you is right. Anyone else out there can help? Maybe someone with experience?

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ASK DR. DISH: Teen hates school

ASK DR. DISH: Teen hates school

Question: I’m pretty sure you do not have kids, but I thought maybe your readers could help me. My teenager daughter is dreading going to college. She was not the best student in high school (like me) and does not want a professional, “cubicle” job. She wants to open her own fashion boutique or join the Peace Corps or something like that. She does NOT want to go to college. But I am still of that school of thought that a college degree is worth something, even if you don’t work in that field, you can use it to “fall back on” later. Am I just being old-fashioned?

Answer: Well, I can answer at least one of your inquiries: No, I don’t have kids. But — you’re in luck — I do teach at a community college, so I know a little something about the college atmosphere and what students go through, to a certain extent.

Honestly, I think if you ask college students — and I just might today! — even they don’t know why they’re there. Some of them know they need a degree in a particular field to get the job they think they want. But a lot of students — at least the ones who sit in my journalism classes — aren’t really sure what they want to do with the rest of their life — and they don’t really want to think about it.

College isn’t what is used to be — a place where people study hard to earn degrees to get jobs. Nowadays, campuses are places where students interact, network, date, meet and, when they feel like it, attend classes and graduate.

A recent report by two economists at the University of California found that over the past four decades the time college students spend in class and studying has decreased substantially, from 40 hours a week in 1961 to 27 hours a week in 2003. And another study found that colleges are spending less on instruction and more on recreation and student services.

Why?

Well, it’s partially our fault.

The best-paying jobs aren’t often the ones that require college degrees. And master’s degrees — let’s face it — are as commonplace as folks with realtor licenses in the ’90s. I don’t get paid more because I have a master’s degree. But I’m paying off a hefty student loan for it. So why bother?

On the other hand, I’ve never subscribed to the belief that everyone needs or should go to college. Some people just aren’t cut out for it. And some just don’t need it. I don’t want my mechanic to have a master’s degree in American studies; I’d like him to be bad-ass at fixing my car.

What students these days care more about is finding a job they actually like — and that’s our fault, too. They’ve heard us — parents, older siblings, bosses — complain about everything from 10-hour workdays to annoying workers — and hating every minute of it. So now they want what we should have wanted, too: a job they don’t mind going to, a career that’s fueled by passion than paycheck.

So if your daughter is really serious about opening her own boutique — I mean, really serious, not just living out some “The Hills” fantasy — then let her do it. A college degree might be worthwhile — but frame it like this: she could learn a lot of finance, accounting, marketing and social media, not to mention make connections that could help her later in life.

What say the rest of you?

***

To read all of Cat’s blogs, visit www.nonstophonolulu.com/thedailydish. Follow Cat on Twitter @thedailydish or send her an e-mail at cat@nonstophonolulu.com.

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